hurry up with my damn croissants


gf: babe come over

me (a lawnmower) : no i cant im cutting the grass and you live in the sky

gf: my parents are out

me: image





Russell Brand Messiah Complex


This man is far more intelligent than many people give him credit for.

comedians generally are.

Track Title: Sheezus

Artist: Lily Allen

Album: Sheezus - Single



Lily Allen | SHEEZUS

Riri (Rihanna) is’nt scared of Katy Perry’s roaring, Queen B’s gone back to the drawing, Lorde smells blood, yeah, she’s about to slay you, kid ain’t one to fuck with, when she’s only on her debut. We’re all watching Gaga lolohaha, dying for the art, so really she’s a martyr, 2nd best will never cut it for the divas, give me that crown, bitch. I WANNA BE SHEEZUS.”


i just ate a whole chocolate bunny
but before you judge me you should know that it was hollow
i’m not a fucking animal

also fun fact: Repo! The Genetic Opera has a higher Rotten Tomatoes rating (34%) than Repo Men, the high budget Jude Law/Forest Whitaker ripoff(?) (22%)
knowing things like this is what would make me fun at parties if I was ever invited to any

we have to do a (very basic) film review of any science fiction film for class so naturally I stretched that definition and decided to watch Repo! The Genetic Opera from a critical perspective because why wouldn’t you want to evaluate the mise en scene of someone getting their spine ripped out in song
I still like it
I still don’t know why


Jonah Chill. Portland, OR.


Jonah Chill. Portland, OR.

posted 2 days ago via m1iranda · originally tomhanksy
68,350 notes


ilana Glazer is easily becoming my favorite woman in the media.


My cousin is always watching Everybody Loves Raymond in the other room while I’m on the computer. I always hear Raymond’s voice. His deep, throaty voice, like a hungover toad. It’s very unique. Sometimes I continue to hear the thick grog of Ray Romano long after the television is off. Ray tells me things. Ray tells me horrible, horrible things. And I listen.


If a guy calls you princess in a condescending manner assert your newly appointed royal status and have him beheaded.


He once fixed my VCR for free! He didn’t judge!


wise words from a character who was once sued by the san diego zoo

Bo Burnham on The Pete Holmes Show - 3/5/14

posted 3 days ago via kyian · originally elboburnham
20,831 notes