yo it’s cold and probably icy on the journey to school and I’ve had less than two hours of sleep
cancel class PCC
fuckin do it
Tobias had recently been asked to address a group of depressed men who had been described over the phone as blue.
‘Cause I’m a Tribbiani! And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don’t read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
UCB-LA | Doug Loves Movies | 12.03.13
This show went exactly as you would expect.
probably going to pull an all-nighter to finish a project I’ve known about for a month
I’m drinking Red Bull and eating Kix
this term is certainly going out with a bang
I like it when posts like this are actually true
Zach Braff did an AMA on reddit a while ago and said the script would sometimes just say “Then Neil says something funny”
Aziz Ansari, his parents, and Kanye West
There’s a hypothesis I’ve had for awhile but only recently do I believe I’ve gathered enough evidence to prove it. It’s finally time:
Bruno Mars is in love with Donkey Kong.
You may assume that this revelation has just come after the release of his hit song “Gorilla” which is certainly the most direct profession of his not-so-secret romance, but actually it goes much deeper than this.
His previous big song, “Locked Out of Heaven”, has some very telling sound effects in the background track. Upon first listen I was struck with how I was immediately transported to a Mario Kart track. See for yourself. This subtle homage to his lover shows that the paradise his sex takes him to is none other than DK Mountain.
His song “Grenade” may seem like your typical love song, but it doesn’t have such a typical subject. All of the ways in which Bruno says he will sacrifice himself for his love connect eerily to the threats Donkey Kong will likely face.
"I’d catch a grenade for ya"
"Throw my hand on a blade for ya"
"I’d jump in front of a train for ya"
"Take a bullet straight through my brain"
Even in “The Lazy Song” Bruno makes it clear the type of company he would rather keep:
And then of course there is the aforementioned song “Gorilla” in which he makes multiple explicit references to how he is “making love like gorillas”. Over the years Bruno has revealed more and more through each song, peeling away the layers. Like a banana, if you will. I’m eager to see what his next songs will be and if he ever truly confirms what he has been hinting at for so long.
Can I just use this as my project? The only requirement is that it’s a photoessay. It contains photos and could be formatted into an essay easily enough.
BARTHES FTW. (Should be doing a paper with references to Camera Lucida as we speak. Not happening right now.)
What a weird guy. What compels someone to just make up a concept with such an extremely specific definition and then write about it forever?
Probably the same thing that compels someone to overcomplicate an open-ended simple project and turn it into something that will undoubtedly result in last minute panic attacks fueled by Red Bull.
“We’re so bad at sex and then we wonder why women aren’t like, really aggressive about sex. We think it’s cause they don’t have as much desire as we do. That’s how stupid men are, that we think ‘they’re just weird, women are like fucked up in the head cause they don’t wanna just fuck all the time. If I was a women, I’d just fuck everybody. Why don’t they wanna fuck all the time? I do’. Of course you do, cause when you fuck, you get to fuck a woman! When she fucks, she has to fuck a guy! Wildly different experiences. For a man, 100% of the time, it’s the greatest thing that ever happened in his entire life. For a woman, about 40% of the time, when she’s being fucked by a guy, she’s thinking ‘I’ll get over this in a week. It’s not the worst thing. I’m not gonna cry this time’
“Another thing that proves how bad men are at sex is that after sex, you’re looking at two very different people. The man just wants to lay there, be cool and the woman wants to cuddle…’Why is she so NEEDY?’ She’s not needy you idiot, she’s horny, because you did nothing for her. YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. HER PUSSY IS ON FIRE BECAUSE IT’S GONE UNFUCKED COMPLETELY. Of course you’re fine, you climbed on and went “KFHGSKG” and rolled off. And she’s on you because she’s like ‘WH-at SOMETHING ELSE HAS TO HAPPEN, THIS IS BULLSHIT!!” If you fuck a woman well, she will LEAVE YOU ALONE. ‘Thanks a lot buddy, zzzzz’”
Oh, Louis CK, advocate for the female orgasm. (via wantonmasochist)
Nothing has ever been more accurate.
Please please buy this book; it’s a gem.